textposter2:

if you’re ever mugged by someone just scream ‘sWIPER NO SWIPING’ at them and by the rules of crime they have to stop

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

british: american people are so annoying
chinese: american people are so annoying
mexicans: american people are so annoying
french: american people are so annoying
americans: we are so annoying
canadians: i fucking love maple syrup
australians: oy catch that kangaroo

How To Say Tumblr

How to say Tumblr like an Australian.

STEP ONE

• Tum

STEP TWO

• BLARH

How to say Tumblr like an American.

STEP ONE

• Tum

STEP TWO

• Bler

How to say Tumblr like a Filipino.

STEP ONE

• Tamb

STEP TWO

• ler

How to say Tumblr in Chinese.

STEP ONE

• Ching

STEP TWO

• Chong

How to say Tumblr in British.

STEP ONE

• TUM

STEP TWO

• BLAH

How to say Tumblr in Russia.

STEP ONE

• TUM

STEP TWO

• VLERRRR

How to say Tumblr if homosexual.

STEP ONE

• TUM

STEP TWO

• TIDDLY-TOODLE-KINS

(Source: batfaggery, via brb-laughing)

Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.